It is estimated that up to one in seven women experience postnatal depression, making it one of the most common complications of pregnancy and childbirth. For some, it can be a debilitating condition that can have a significant impact on their lives. Fortunately, there is support available for those who are struggling with postnatal depression. In this article, we will explore how one mother was able to get the support she needed to overcome her postnatal depression.
I was a 32 years old when I had my second child. I had previously experienced depression as a teenager, and again in my mid twenties. After speaking with my midwife I knew that I would be at risk of postnatal depression, and indeed I had some mild depression after my first child was born. So, this time around, with my second child due in a few weeks, I wanted to have everything lined up to keep things running as smoothly as possible.
All support measures were in place, from friends popping in with a meal for the oven once a week and help to load the dishwasher, my mother in law picking up washing and bringing over one of her speciality dishes – a vegetable lasagne once a week.
Then, Covid.
All of my support and carefully planned out weeks were wiped out. It was me, and me alone as my husband had recently taken a job that was higher paid but came with the increased hours and stress. Needless to say, I was bereft. The lack of control I felt over the entire situation was the most difficult thing. Each morning it became more and more difficult to get out of bed.
Very quickly the house started to get disorganised, messy and chaotic – a good parallel to how my emotional state was at the time.
Through all my research I knew that many mothers experience some degree of "baby blues" or mild depression. However, when these symptoms become more severe and start to interfere with daily life, that is the time to seek professional help. I know for some people this can be a really difficult step to take because there is often a stigma associated with emotional wellness or mental health issues. It can be hard to admit that you need help and even harder to ask for it.
I was proactive, knowing I didn’t want to disappear and spiral into deep despair. I knew I needed help. First, I spoke to Rob, my husband. He listened and was great, but he didn’t know what to do beyond this. He didn’t know how to help. I needed to find the right kind of support for me.
Now, not all forms of help are equal. Some types of support may be more suitable for your individual situation than others. For example, some mothers may find more benefit from talking therapies such as cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) or interpersonal therapy (IPT). Other mothers may benefit from medication, such as anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications. It is important to understand the options available and which may be best suited to your needs. Simple, right?
Not so. I struggled through my brain fog of depression to understand who was even the right person to speak to. Then even taking those next steps felt far away from me somehow. My first child went to a local nursery, and I will always be grateful to them. I truly believe the incredible educators at that nursery saved my life.
It had been a difficult morning with my three year old watching tv and throwing breakfast all over the floor. I had washing in the machine from two days before that I had washed three times by this point. I had dishes piling up around the sink, and there was just STUFF everywhere. It all felt overwhelming, and I’d opted not to take my three year old to nursery that morning even though they had recently opened after a Covid lockdown.
I hadn’t contacted the nursery, so of course they rang that morning. I remember crying on the phone to the early years practitioner who had phoned to find out where my son was. She simply said, “I just wanted to check in on you – how are you?” The rush of emotions so intense when she asked me this struck me like a tidal wave. It felt frightening, but also freeing at the time.
The early years practitioners responded immediately, visiting me the same day at home and getting the health visitor to give me call. They were kind and understood that everyone’s situation is unique and so the type of social support that works best for one person may not work for another. I said how I massively needed practical support
I got connected with an online support group, and assigned a practitioner from my son’s nursery. They visited me at home once a week and helped me to arrange for family members and friends to drop off meals and take loads of washing away to be cleaned. These seemingly simple things made a huge difference to me- I will never forget it.
The online group was also invaluable as I was able to talk openly about my feelings without feeling judged or embarrassed. There is truly nothing more empowering than having someone to talk to who really understands what you are going through.
I was also lucky enough to speak with a therapist online each week. This helped me to declutter my mind and find a focus. Believe it or not, this became a focus on cleaning my house! This somehow helped me to tune into my children better, starting with providing a good environment for us all to be in. It also helped me to identify and challenge the dark thoughts I had which were contributing to my postnatal depression.
I will forever be grateful to those who helped me in those earliest days of my postnatal depression. I have never felt so out of control and frightened! It’s a hard place to be, feeling out of your depth and struggling to meet your own needs as well as your children’s. Cleaning has been one of my coping strategies which I’ve used throughout my difficult times – some days are harder than others. It’s certainly not been easy, and there have been many ups and downs along the way for sure, but overall I’m grateful to be where I am today.
I have two wonderful and healthy children, a fabulously clean house, and a good support network around me. I’ve regained control of my life, instead of postnatal depression controlling me.
Postnatal depression is a serious issue but thankfully there is help available for those who need it. If you are struggling with postnatal depression, remember that you are not alone and there are many people who are willing and able to offer their support. Whether it’s professional help such as CBT or simply having someone who understands what you’re going through, reaching out for help can make a huge difference in helping you cope with postnatal depression and regain control of your life.
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